Bullshot Crummond by Ron House, Diz White, John Neville-Andrews, Alan Shearman and Derek Cunningham
Directed by James Hough
Auditions: Wednesday 16th January 8pm, Thursday 17th January 8pm and Sunday 20th January 6pm
Performances: Tuesday 20th - Saturday 24th May 2008, Prompt Corner
This is a moving and poignant play which focuses, with utter conviction and sensitivity, on the emotional trauma of a shell-shocked British First World War veteran. His inner journey from fear and apprehension to a realisation that he must finally confront his harrowing past is assisted when, by chance, he meets a German veteran with whom he once played football in “no-man’s land” on Christmas Day 1914. The growing relationship between the two, fragile at first, leads to one of theatre’s most heart-rending and touching scenes when, acknowledging the futility of war, and now at peace with their war-ravaged inner beings, both re-enact their trench experiences by means of a highly charged and tear-jerking game of scissors, paper and stone.
Only kidding....
Sleeping Kent, England, between the wars, is rudely awoken by the stamp of German jack boots. Two state-sponsored German spies arrive, intent on capturing a secret formula recently invented by Professor Rupert Fenton. The latter is kidnapped and his daughter, Rosemary, desperately enlists the help of the only man in Britain who can put things to rights: Captain Hugh “Bullshot” Crummond, super sleuth and man of “derring do”. Can he defeat the Huns and their dastardly plot to wreak havoc with the international financial market? Can he avoid the dreadful perils which the Bosch have in store for him and Rosemary? Can he save the day for King and Country and have everything ticketyboo in time for tea? All will be revealed in this comic spoof of British 1930’s B movies.
Characters
IMPORTANT NOTE: it is essential that all these parts are played as genuinely as possible.
Captain Hugh "Bullshot" Crummond
Archetypical British officer type. A bit of a male chauvinist. Completely fearless and super confident in everything he does. Has an over-inflated opinion of his own abilities: will be difficult to cast as there is no-one in the South London Theatre who suffers from this. Around 30. Preferably shorter than all the rest of the cast. Upper class English accent.
Rosemary Fenton
Upper crust English girl. Very refined and believes men to be superior to women. However, is able to show her mettle when in a scrape. Upper class English accent. Preferably 25 – 30 and blonde.
Count Otto von Brunno (aka The Black Baron of Blitzberg)
Typical B movie German villain. Must be completely bald (if not naturally so, the actor cast in the part must be prepared to shave his head). His villainous plots can be marred by his own blunderings at times. Age around 30 – 40 and preferably six foot tall or more. German accent required.
Lenya von Brunno
Otto’s mistress. Delights in evil and gets annoyed with Otto due to his shortcomings. Has evil laugh and enjoys inflicting pain. Age around 25 – 30. German accent. Preferably blond, tall and striking-looking.
Salvatore Scalicio
Stock American-Italian gangster type with appropriate accent. Is a hireling of the von Brunnos. Played by the same actor who plays Otto.
The following parts are (ideally) all to be played by the same actor.
Algy Longwort - Upper class twit and friend to Hugh Crummond. Has school-boyish mannerisms. Very broad upper class English accent required.
Professor Rupert Fenton - Typical B movie scientist. Elderly, doddery and has very high moral standards. Rightly suspicious of Germans.
Waiter at the Carlton - Has a very condescending attitude to customers he dislikes.
Country Policeman- Very straight acting chap. English country accent could be preferable.
Inspector Scabbard of the Yard - Stock type policeman who is none too bright. Is annoyed by Hugh Crummond’s interference with his police work. Regional accent preferable.
Wolfgang Schmidt - A German spy. German accent required. Has a military bearing and is subservient to Count Otto von Brunno.
Marovitch - Brutish bodyguard and servant to the von Brunnos. Has a heavy cockney accent, an eye-patch and a hump. The only one of these smaller parts which needs to be over played.
For more details, please contact James Hough, Director
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